When I had my first baby girl, I knew I had to be prepared for motherhood. Instincts definitely kick in right away, but I can’t say they will always be there. Yesterday I had the first biggest fear as a mother happen.
As we finished our usual bedtime routine, we got into bed. We’ve co-slept with Rudeena (toddler) since she was a newborn. Now Rudeena has a horrible habit of sticking her finger down her throat. Sometimes I think it’s a hair in her esophagus that is bothering her, but she does it so much lately that I just don’t even know why. So as we got into bed, she stuck her finger down her throat and proceeded to projectile vomit ALL OVER THE BED. It was horrific!
I have a fear of vomiting and seeing other people vomit and get very, very anxious when I’m in such situations. My husband and I looked at each other, confused and scared, as to why she’s never vomited so violently before. So we let it go and figured she may have just eaten too much so her gag reflex was even more sensitive. I bathe her right away, clean up the bed and get ready once again to finally sleep.
Next thing we know, she’s vomiting more and more, all over the floor. My husband is holding her head back as she’s vomiting, calm and collected while I’m crying, scared, panicking and asking her what’s wrong? What’s going on? As if she understands and as if she actually has the vocabulary to respond to me, LOL. It’s one of those moments I think back and can’t help but shake my head. Really, I was disappointed in myself. I’m not supposed to be weak. There is no room for weakness as a mother. My reaction is what made her nervous and cry out of fear.
We took her to the ER where they let us know there was a virus going around and many kids had went in with the same symptoms of vomiting and fever.Rudeena vomited again while we were checking in and I was nervous and scared again. The nurse looked at me and told me “Mom, it’s ok. It’s just a virus going around. She’ll be fine.” It kind of hit me then.
It hit me that from now on, no matter what situation we’re in, I need to be in control. That in these situations someone is looking at you and wondering “Is this ok? Is this wrong or right?” But I can now say I’m experienced and that instincts don’t always click right away, and that’s ok. I’ve learned that as mothers, we will be in situations that we won’t always know how to control. Especially with our first child. It was my first “scary” experience as a mom, but I’ve definitely become stronger!